Sunday, May 29, 2011

In the dark with a baying dog She walks

I just got back from visiting my husband at his booth at Phoenix Comicon. I am fairly pooped. I've been emotionally exhausted from the inception of the Brewhaha ( yes that is what I am calling it) I don't really want to rehash that event, but just incase you are unfamiliar with it, this will explain it all. Just promise me you won't get angry or let it shake you.

Life is a difficult thing to navigate even if you have a book that outlines a fairly good moral code to guide you. We all have these impulses that jerk our emotions around and through those emotions we have knee jerk reactions to things that we feel strongly about. Politics and religion are always hot button issues that make smart and good people say the stupidest things and in those heated moments make us look like world class, heartless idiots. We have all had one or two of those in our lives.

I found myself sitting in the dark the other night on my patio enjoying the desert evening. Maybe for one of the last of those evenings on this patio. I could hear deep in the neighborhood a dog baying in the background and an image of Hecate came to mind. I had no doubt that She would show up. She always does when my own fears peak.

You see, this blog was one of the hardest things I have ever made myself do. I don't have a problem with being out of the closet. I have no fear of claiming my beliefs and standing by them. My fear stems from stepping out of my comfortable shadows and sharing my experiences with others. They are not only deeply personal, but border on fiction even to my own ears unless you look at things from a shamanic perspective an understand that this reality we exist in is actually one of many occurring all at once. My Universe and the Universe of even someone of the same faith will never look the same, so it's understandable when someone who is coming from a more orthodox religion would look at me and wonder what is going on in my head.  To have my faith questioned is another thing all together and that's what bothered me the most about the situation.

I sat in the dark examining my fear. Where did it stem from? Why did it send me in to near panic attacks? I think history holds the answer to those questions. Not just history, but recent events even. There are people in another part of the world who are being attacked by mobs because of fears of witchcraft. Almost all of these people have nothing to do with witchcraft, yet they are attacked, murdered even. It always starts with someone saying something ungraceful. The rumors build, as we know them to, and suddenly there is a full fledged mob with blood lust coursing through them. The results of these events prove tragic. It's quite horrifying.

The answer to the source of  my fears is simple: I fear the reactions of fearful people. My reaction to fear is to run at it.

I sat in the dark listening to the mournful sound of the baying dog knowing that my Goddess was near. I foolishly hoped that She would provide answers and maybe even release from my fear tonight. I was reminded by a friend that is not likely to happen because Hecate believes that I am strong enough to endure and conquer my own inner demons.

Tonight, instead of asking to be released from my fear or asking for answers, I think I will just say thank you for teaching me that my faith is unshakable in the face of persecution. I would also like to thank the woman who made me prove that.

Darlene Schact, thank you. I hope that when you are done dancing with your own fears, we can have a conversation about the power of faith.

1 comment:

  1. I think this is a very mature and wonderful reaction to something that was really upsetting.

    Coincidentally it's through the Top 25 Moms of Faith website that I was linked to your blog, and I'm really grateful :)

    Thank you for sharing.