Angry imps!

I like this discussion on the dark side of meditation and the issues that can occur. I view them of course not necessarily from a scientific or even scholastic perspective. I come to this discussion from personal experience ( which is king in my book) and a shamanic eye. It is necessary to have this discussion because these are real consequences of awakening a possible shaman without the lore/ guiding hand/ shamanic ethos and spirit contact. Meditation is not a practice of scientifically silencing the mind and it's voice, it is a conscious effort to connect yourself with the divine part of yourself and divinity as we are able to perceive and understand. This requires understanding of uncommon sense to be applied in a common sense world. Yes this is indeed a paradox, but if you are in the mirror's reflection, everything is backward, yet we still understand it.

 I agree with the Dalai Lama: you cannot have a Temple without a large library to support it. ( Library guides are also very much desired.) Libraries and library guides teach us that there are answers out there and if they are not direct answers, we are able to take the facts or read a pattern and bring it into focus to understand or at least come to terms with the strangenesses currently in play. Between libraries and meditation, shamans thrive; remove the libraries and the whole kit and caboodle is insanity in a crazy burlap bag of angry wet cats. Poor burlap bag. I believe that when you are centered within yourself while in meditation that what you have learned has the potential to become wisdom through right action.  I think we often forget that life is a mystery to experience not analyze.

I have had some very negative experiences in both meditation and trance. That does not make me unstable. It makes me pretty "normal." EEEEEKKKK When these disturbing things occur it is a cue for me not to run away, but to carefully inspect. I may be experiencing an angry shard of myself or even missing soul piece! That is not to be ignored or taken lightly in the shamanic world. ( it is also not red alert/ klaxon alarm/ panic button pushing event.) It could be causing illness, true indeed, even emotional disturbances. . . the good news is that you can fix it. In fact, when these things come up you are being invited to help heal the issue. Not just fix it; heal it, mend it, bring the tattered ends together for peace talks. These things, these dark frightening things that hide in our beings. . . they are us. And they want the same things we want: love and acceptance for who and what they are. Really it's like the soul shattered off and made all these little imp like shards and they come back to haunt us. The only truth we need to understand in these moments is this: It may be an imp, but it's my imp and I love it. Well loved imps are much better behaved than ignored, ostracized, and angry imps.

Thus the witch proverb:

Faithfully serve your imp, and S/He shall faithfully serve you.

Hoilday Scatterings!

I think the thing that really struck me hard about this Yule season is that I was trying to make a paradigm that no longer works for me work. I felt like I was trying to pound a square peg into a round hole and getting mad that the peg splintered! Well of course it splintered. . . it doesn't fit!  So my work for this year is to map out precisely what what this world I slipped into looks like and how to work in a manner that functions. It was also suggested that I learn how to slide between the two, but I suspect that will be a later lesson and I'm fine with that. I also suspect that this is the case of all new initiates in any system: Lesson one: let the current settle! Lesson two: learn how to surf in a whole different manner! Lesson three. . . I can't even fathom right about now, but I'm fine with that as well. Way too much on my plate right now to worry about that.

The real lesson in all of this is quite simply: listen to your emotions. They will tell you everything you need to know about a direction you are going. If you find yourself angry frustrated and depressed about a situation it may be time to realize that the peg you have does not match the hole you are trying to fill. Life is like a puzzle, the pieces should just slide in snug. You may either have the wrong piece for the wrong part of the puzzle or you may have to turn the piece a bit. Don't be afraid of picking up new pieces and turning them about a bit. The worse thing that can happen is that you will have to pick up a new piece and don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

With the Yule celebrations said and done, there is so much catch up stuff that I wish I could just swish and flick done. . . Oh Molly Weasley won't you please teach me that swish and flick thing??? My children are actually quite busy with their Yule gifts and treats so I may actually see the end of the tunnel this evening ( and it won't be a train! yea)

I have some new pages that I want to add to this blog before the New Year is rung in. Should be fun!

The Blade's Other Edge.

It's been rather dramatic lately, with a capital " D." It's not the sort of petty drama that is easily backed away from, but a real issue that drew heat, anger, despair and at the end genuine dislike. It's taken me awhile to get the anger out of my body once I decided to leave the situation to it's major players and move in my own direction. I knew it had finally left when I woke up yesterday morning to realize my altars weren't right. They were no longer working with me. Something had shifted. Turns out it was me.

As I pulled out the key to my sea chest where all of my magic tools are stored, I could hear my mind turning around on itself trying to best fit the pieces that I would need. Once the lid got lifted and I found the pieces I thought I wanted,  I realized they are not indeed what I needed. I kept digging rediscovering things I had forgotten; some of them tools, others reminders of workings gone by. . . a champagne cork with a date on it, a bag full of acorns, red velvet, black velvet, muslin and a collection of old pennies kept for their date. It was literally Mrs. Oddly's magic past. Under all of these things sat a crystal candle holder I had forgotten about. It rang as I unwrapped it from its silk. I put away the other candle holder I thought I wanted, washed the one I had been using and pulled out the remains of the shiny objects in my trunk to build a new altar.

I noticed immediately the direction the shift in me had taken. Once I decided to move in my own direction I required less of a warrior's touch. My altar went from leather, shielded flames, rough Spartan practicality to a soft, sensual invitation. Even the great skull on my altar looked more comfortable and less aggressive. As I was putting this altar together, my thoughts turned to the witch family closest to me: how much they are trusted and loved. These are the people I had chosen to be a large part of my life. The more I thought of them, the more soft and comforting my altar became. 

As my altar went together, there were other things I noticed. Things that had been there the entire time. Things that I would never had associated with my connection to the fae before I began my training in the Feri tradition. Now as a Feri Priestess looking at these things, I recognize that, indeed, Hekate had been walking me here the entire time. You see, all of the pieces that I pulled out were pieces that I had picked up in Her name or were gifted to me before finding Feri. I had to laugh because when I noticed that my altars weren't working for me I had thought at first that something in me had became damaged in my angry conflict. As the new altars went up I realized that I was not damaged, I had merely danced to the other edge of the blade.

I feel more settled now. I was actually able to get some work accomplished that I had been struggling with. Things flowed instead of dumping. I feel more ready to handle what is before me.