Look ma! No kitty lips!

I think I am sailing out the other end of the storm. I am tired. You know the kind that goes clear, deep into you. The stress has notably done unkind things with my fibro. If I have read the signs correctly, there is still a bit to go. I have sneaking hunches as to what it may be and I know that it will slam into the family like a wrecking ball. I have prepared myself for this by speaking with my own beloved dead about helping her to pass if that is what she chooses to do with the energy I am sending. You see I learned something while Cora was going through her death process. She had been in and out of the hospital and word spread that this trip was quite serious. The Feri community began to send healing energy in droves. She had helped so many others with her own brand of healing, how could I not participate in that? Then in the chaos of the moment there was Thorn who pointed out that maybe healing isn't what Cora really needed. She emphasized the idea that only Cora, at this point, knew what was best for her and that maybe instead of sending healing energy we should be sending her just energy for her to decide what to do with. That was the only thing that made sense to me and removed the dread of the inevitable news of Cora's passing. She passed May 1st 2008. I got the phone call while celebrating my youngest child's 1st birthday with ice cream shop ice cream. It was a bitter sweet moment, but I am taking my cue from the lesson I learned from Thorn and Cora and sending my husband's Grandmother tons of energy. I have no idea how his family would react to this type of action so I guess mum's the word, but how can I not? She has done me many kindnesses. I am preparing myself to help my husband mourn his grandmother's passing, so I guess the feathers and the order of their discovering really were the portends I thought they were when they started lining up on my altar after morning walks. I hope I still have a good hand left on the helm.

I know that things regardless of what actually happens, things will be okay. During the darkness of this storm I started to see light shine through; my oath mother had gifted me with some black heart beads she had specially commissioned. She wanted beads that threaded side to side and discovered that 99.99 percent of the black heart beads she was looking for strung from top to  bottom. Three of those little jewels are now in my most grubby, witchy hands and I'm 'a gonna hoarde those babies! I know it sounds weird to hear (read) someone say that the arrival of black hearts, or any other said sign, brings peace, but that's my truth. The white/ grey dove's feather I found this morning only confirms that light indeed is dawning on the horizon. I look forward to a smooth sea and a calm nights star gazing.

My cat must even recognize that her mama's a bit of a train wreck this morning. She didn't stick her lips under the door and yowl merceilessly until I got out of bed. Usually, I am greeted first thing in the morning ( before my coffee: most dangerous btw) with a pitiful yowling that seems to echo off of EVERYTHING! It's like she has figured out just the right tone, timber and location to stick her head under the door and start in with that horrible Halloween sound track. It's like she grew extendable kitty lips for just the right amount of annoyance. I actually got coffee this morning without the full frontal frenzy assault. It was nice to not try and think this morning with out miss kitty lips and her 2 cents. I'll let you know when the storm is gone. Thank you for your patience with me. I know I have been off and on MIA.

In which I reveal how big a geek girl I am. . .

Not too long ago a short ElfQuest trailer was made. I love ElfQuest. I have many of the comic books, I have the graphic novels, gatherums and poster. . . blah blah blah *fan speak* blah. It was one of those things that really spoke to me emotionally as I was trying to get my adolescent self to adulthood maturity. This trailer led to me breaking out with the graphic novels a pouring through them again.

One of the things that really hit home was as I was going through some of the last parts of the story line, emotions from recent events in real life echoed through the emotional back drop of the books. As Osama Bin Laden was removed from this plane Cutter was beating the tar out of Rayek for stealing his family and giving him a sense of being something he never wanted to be, Human. I understand this emotion that flooded Cutter. This rage at being turned into your enemy, having that which brings you peace and serenity being stolen from you, having your heart ripped out and kept from you. I could see everyone in Cutter's eyes. I could hear our rage in his words.

What Rayek did was truly monstrous. Rayek kidnapped Cutter's family and left him to bleed from the soul while doing what he thought to be for the greater good of his people. Arrogance is dangerous. It leads you to losing touch with your soul and it's true purpose and only while having the tar beaten out of him did Rayek really understand the immensity of harm he caused.

In this case, the only way to bring healing about between the two characters was a good old fashioned knock down, drag out, teeth spitting fight. There were rules of course. 1) no using magic, all else is fair 2) no dying to save face. 3) the first to call loses and someone must call. Needless to say, this whole duke it out affair was dirty, ugly and cathartic not just for those locked in battle, but for the whole community. The whole ugly brew came out like a champaign cork flying from it's bottle and when the fur stopped flying there was an understanding.

I wonder, what is it that we have learned about ourselves through this whole drama that we have been living? What is it that we have learned about others? Have we learned anything at all? At the end of the beat down and release, are we better for it? Is there an understanding? Has any healing taken place?

I know that the death of Bin Laden is something that we have been howling for. It has, indeed, been a huge cathartic event for Americans and many around the world as well. I understand why people are dancing. I just never felt like taking part of that dance. It made me uncomfortable. I felt even more uncomfortable that I wasn't taking part in this small victory. It wasn't until I hit the end of this part of Cutter's story that I was ok with not dancing on the grave of a sworn enemy, nor was it until this moment did I really embrace the idea that maybe. . . just maybe I am a much bigger geek girl than I suspected.

This is what Bin Laden and his followers have stolen from many people around the world. Many hearts were stolen and those left behind bled until they were dry. There will always be a hole where this once was. In many ways, we are all Cutter. Hopefully, in time, we will all heal from what has been done.