Tucson

I have spent most of the day listening to my radio news. I remember hearing that she was shot. I remember hearing that she was dead. I remember hearing all sorts of wildly fluid accounts. Here I am at the end of the day, kids tucked in, the radio off and a glass of wine next to my monitor. At this point in time, it doesn't really matter what happens: Gabrielle Giffords will find that her life has been irrevocably changed.

Thirteen hours ago, a young ballerina who had just won the student council election and wanted to meet Gabrielle Gifford lost her life. She was a year younger than my own daughter. The lives of her parents must now feel like a chasm filled with anguish and grief.

A Judge and friend, John Roll,  of Gabrielle's, heard she was going to be in the area he lived and on his way home while out about he stopped by to say hello. He fell too.

At this point there are those whom remain nameless to me, maybe because I feel too weighted and heartbroken to endure any more of this today.

I am a little replenished in hope though. There were heros today. Heros as big as the villain. In the short order of chaos, they wrestled this young man to the ground and stopped him in his tracks. We discover at this point, that he was not done. There were two more clips of ammunition. He would have kept going. Lives were saved.

I  have many theories about what happened today, I don't think I will ever know truly which one is the right one. What I do know is this: I feel no anger. There is no one to blame, no finger to point, no party affiliation to saddle with guilt. I know that there is a lot of anger spilling forth right now across the nation and I'm not saying that it's wrong. I'm just saying I don't share in it. I think what I do feel is disappointment. I can't even put a finger on why I feel disappointed, I just do. I am also grateful. I have relatives in Tucson and I am glad that this event was thankfully hidden from them. If they knew about it, they would have been there.

I wish to express my deepest of condolences to everyone involved. I hope that you heal and are supported by strong loved ones while you do. I hope the gun man talks and tells us what is going through his mind. I think we need to understand what those thoughts are and how they translated to action. I hope that nine year old girl is still dancing an eternal dance and that her parents find peace. . . I know I won't for a while; I am haunted by her and I don't know her.

Blessings all around, to everyone. To victims, to loved ones, to witnesses far and near, to those who are angry, to those who are numb. . . Good night, may the Gods bless and guide you.