Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Blade's Other Edge.

It's been rather dramatic lately, with a capital " D." It's not the sort of petty drama that is easily backed away from, but a real issue that drew heat, anger, despair and at the end genuine dislike. It's taken me awhile to get the anger out of my body once I decided to leave the situation to it's major players and move in my own direction. I knew it had finally left when I woke up yesterday morning to realize my altars weren't right. They were no longer working with me. Something had shifted. Turns out it was me.

As I pulled out the key to my sea chest where all of my magic tools are stored, I could hear my mind turning around on itself trying to best fit the pieces that I would need. Once the lid got lifted and I found the pieces I thought I wanted,  I realized they are not indeed what I needed. I kept digging rediscovering things I had forgotten; some of them tools, others reminders of workings gone by. . . a champagne cork with a date on it, a bag full of acorns, red velvet, black velvet, muslin and a collection of old pennies kept for their date. It was literally Mrs. Oddly's magic past. Under all of these things sat a crystal candle holder I had forgotten about. It rang as I unwrapped it from its silk. I put away the other candle holder I thought I wanted, washed the one I had been using and pulled out the remains of the shiny objects in my trunk to build a new altar.

I noticed immediately the direction the shift in me had taken. Once I decided to move in my own direction I required less of a warrior's touch. My altar went from leather, shielded flames, rough Spartan practicality to a soft, sensual invitation. Even the great skull on my altar looked more comfortable and less aggressive. As I was putting this altar together, my thoughts turned to the witch family closest to me: how much they are trusted and loved. These are the people I had chosen to be a large part of my life. The more I thought of them, the more soft and comforting my altar became. 

As my altar went together, there were other things I noticed. Things that had been there the entire time. Things that I would never had associated with my connection to the fae before I began my training in the Feri tradition. Now as a Feri Priestess looking at these things, I recognize that, indeed, Hekate had been walking me here the entire time. You see, all of the pieces that I pulled out were pieces that I had picked up in Her name or were gifted to me before finding Feri. I had to laugh because when I noticed that my altars weren't working for me I had thought at first that something in me had became damaged in my angry conflict. As the new altars went up I realized that I was not damaged, I had merely danced to the other edge of the blade.

I feel more settled now. I was actually able to get some work accomplished that I had been struggling with. Things flowed instead of dumping. I feel more ready to handle what is before me.  

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