Monday, November 26, 2012

Still breathing

reminds me of what I see when opening the gates
I breathe in; I know breathing in. . .

I breath out; I know breathing out.

These are the words I feel my mind reaching for most this Samhain season. It's been a parade of Spirits and Otherworldly beings traipsing through my home and life since the end of September. It has also been a very busy part for me as well. I started my Solstice Vodkas, filled the bottles to fit the vision I had, made a trip to the graveyard, threaded my way through ancestral traditions in as many layers as possible via baking, reading, dreaming, sewing, ritual, and ancestor contact ( a process I am still rolling in at this point.)

Most interesting dreams and meditations have offered up tangible evidence of their source. I think my lack of faith in humanity has peeked out because the gods and my spirit connections are all like see??? No really, we're more solid than you think. All of these goings on's were even reflected in June when I threw the cards for my solar year reading. I never anticipated the hey it's gonna be ugly in 6 months, but things will lead to better places for you the next 6 as something that would be as jagged as I have been feeling of late. As a reader, I sort of pull away for that aspect and try to prepare the witchery for myself to help navigate what must unfold. There were some witcheries that I planned out ahead of time that actually helped me out and there were a couple of things for which I was caught completely off guard. There's a part of me that thinks well. . . what did you expect??? Then there is another voice that keeps reminding me that not all can and should be seen in foresight. Try to handle it with grace and move forward. Not sure I have managed either of those things very well. Working on it. . . uh. . . I'll get back to you on that.

P.S. Mercury, please allow me to start posting my pics online. . . we've danced until we're dizzy already, time to go back to work now.

Sharks are the keepers of secret ocean passages

My Oath Mother sort of made me look at my personal processes closely a few weeks ago while she was visiting. She commented on how swiftly I was physically healing, but emotionally I was a roiling cauldron and it was time to pop off the lid. Those weren't her words, but it was the idea conveyed as she spoke. I realized that what she was saying is that I was not handling my near veil encounter the way we mostly hear about in the stories that get back to us. We hear about how some feel entirely different and jump at life with a new vigor. We hear about the visions and the internal knowing beginning to occur for the first time, we hear about all sort of life altering things. There were things within myself that  I had thought put to rest. They landed on me and curled around like dragons. It was more fascinating than frightening, yes there was fear involved. At first they decided I looked like something mildly interesting to chew upon, something changed their mind and they lay down to rest. I don't know what that was and I am scrambling around inside trying to understand what that something was. I feel frustrated like when I woke after that experience and couldn't remember what that second tool was. I am still unclear medically and spiritually as to what exactly has happened to and within me, but I still remember the look on all my spirit connections faces. I think I looked surprised as well.

I want to dream of riding reindeer some more. . .
I think at this point is it better to just let what must unfold, unfold and in the mean time, dive into the season and all the chore whoring I can take without Old Woman Winter sending me more cooties.  Hopefully the Grinch took last year's Grinch Hunt seriously and sticks with the Christmas crowd. The Sugar Plum Faery Vodka is finished and being blessed, the yeast beast is sitting in my refrigerator and sourdough delicious, graveyard dirt obtained with blessings, and the chore whoring for the season has begun. . . next up scrubbing walls! This Year the Thracians are coming to the Yule Faery Feast and the Celts are looking in much in the same manner I felt my Thracian ancestors do last year.  What is this that's waking up and kicking the sleep from my eyes?


  1. Ah, I feel so much better hearing from you! I've missed you terribly!! Hang in there, sweetheart.. know that you are loved so very much by so many!

  2. For those times when breathing seems to be all you can manage, Nalaya - know that your friends are here to rejoice with each rise and fall. Welcome back.

  3. Nalaya, you have such away with words! I have missed them! <3