Showing posts with label random madnesses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random madnesses. Show all posts

Friday, June 27, 2014

The road to evil.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when fear has passed I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where fear has gone. There is nothing. Only I remain.

Frank Herbert
Dune



The first time I read those words they struck me like a gong and they resonated through me since adolescence. I have faced many a fear with these words rolling through my mind and it has helped. There were things that logic and evidence could not discount and eliminate the fear and it turned out that they were real things to be fearful of and the litany against fear helped me navigate those things without losing my mind. But there is a thing that I keep turning my inner eye toward: fearful people do frightening things and behave in psychopathic manners. Religion tends to lean in this manner. People who have been indoctrinated into a religion and believe whole heartedly that their way is the only way have been programmed by their leaders that anything else is evil. This tends to be reinforced by their peers who have accepted this creed. We see this most recently with the discriminatory behavior by city councils who uninvite Wiccans to say prayer at the beginning of meetings and say ridiculous things in regards to their beliefs being evil and inspired by Satan. What is it about being different that inspires people to demonize another person, or group of them,  and make them a target of hate and disdain?

I have personal experience of this ilk. When my ex and I were newly married I came out of the closet to my in laws because in the course of a conversation they admitted to having felt and evil presence on their land and told me they went around its bounds praying. . . as a witch I was rather impressed that they would thing to do something as magical as this until the next words out of my mother in law's mouth:  " but it's not like we were doing magic, magic is evil." The first thought in my mind was: what???? that IS MAGIC! I immediately  came out with: magic isn't evil. Life is magic.  Well as you can guess, I have been evil in her mind from that moment forward and the conversation degraded from there. At one point in time, while being ignored at a family gathering she pointed to the cover of my by Oak Ash and Thorn book: you know the one, the one with Cernunnos sitting peacefully on the earth, well any way, she opened her mouth to say" that is evil." As the years went by her perception of my spirituality kept coloring me as evil because I was different and practiced spirituality differently than her. She even back handedly accused me of putting the evil eye on her land at one point. She and her husband came over for a visit in which she asked me if the evil eye could blight land. I told her yes it could over a prolonged period of time and left to sit. She tutted and said she didn't realize that, however, my mind immediately went back to a moment after our daughter was born, my mother in law had me have everyone touch the baby so that she wouldn't get the evil eye. I thought it funny she would ask me such a question and then it dawned on me. I was being accused. There was nothing at that point I could do that was correct, right and good. I made a charm based upon Mexican magic practices to protect her hearth and home from the evil she was perceiving from one of my aloe vera charms. . . they took that as a sign of admission of guilt. Her fear of something she did not understand and very apparently didn't want to understand made her a wrecking ball in our relationship.

Now this is a very personal example of how fearful people behave. They do it in a manner that is underhanded and sneaky so that they can get away with bad behavior and look pious doing it. Evil is not in any one thing, difference, being, or belief. Evil is an act. It is a pattern of behavior that undermines the trust and well being of others. Evil is indeed a fearful thing, but you have to understand what evil is in order to really recognize that it is not a thing that lives in something merely different than you.

so here is the dictionary meaning of evil: adjective
  1. 1.
    profoundly immoral and malevolent.
    "his evil deeds"


noun
  1. 1.
    profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity, especially when regarded as a supernatural force.
    "the world is stalked by relentless evil"
    synonyms:wickednessbad, badness, wrongdoingsinillimmoralityvice,
    iniquitydegeneracycorruptiondepravityvillainy, nefariousness,malevolence;
     More


The above is the meaning found online and perfect for our supposed ADD riddled society. However, when we actually look in the hard dictionary clarity is brought into view and a deeper understanding begins. I am looking at the Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary and evil is defined as thus:

1. morally wrong or bad; immoral; wicked; evil deeds; evil life; 2. harmful; injurious; evil laws; 3. characterized as misfortune or suffering; unfortunate; disastrous; to be fallen on evil days. 4. due to actual or imputed bad conduct or character: an evil reputation 5. marked by anger, irritability, irascibility etc. . .

The list goes on for a count of 14 aspects of the word including an aspect of nature that gives rise to wicked behavior, but each time it is defined as a behavior. . . not a person or a thing or something that is different. A behavior.

We see evil every day. It is in the group of people spewing hate at gays, lesbians, and trans genders for loving another person who happens to be of the same gender. We see it in school yard with bullies both young and old. We see it in our politics, relationships, religious leadership and followers alike, yet, we insist on turning a blind eye and name it a being. What inspires us to do such a thing??? Two words: power and control.

When we grasp for power and control we are acknowledging that we have fear in our hearts that something will not go the way we insist it going. So we manipulate our environment and the people in it to elicit the reaction and behavior we want. Not all of this is evil. Spanking a child because the child dashed into the street or parking lot and almost gets hit by a car is not evil. It is an incentive for the child to remember to never do that again. Dashing into streets and parking lots without looking can be lethal and as parents our job is to ensure the maturity of our children arises. Did fear occur in the moment the child dashed into the street. . . hexes yes! However, it was a thing to genuinely fear. Undermining a relationship because of your religion  is also a fear and acting upon that fear in a destructive manner is evil. Not even fear itself is evil. . . however, unexamined fear can most assuredly pave the road to evil. Fearful people do frightening things.


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Jedis, lightsabers and PTSD

My experience with PTSD is not unique, nor is the methodology in which I have chosen to handle this beastie. And trust me, it is a beastie, anyone who deals with it or has to watch a loved one wrangle with an episode knows this for certain. My mother has helped me a great deal by customizing a meditative technique using the Silva Method platform for this issue I face and she has encouraged me to share it here with you and your loved ones. This is a method that need maintenance. It is not a one time deal and certainly not an emergency handler, although during an episode, coupled with reiki from a partner, it helps significantly and will help bring you out of the episode within a few hours instead of a 24 hour- a week long dragged out hell. My mother reminds me to go 'clean out my brain' when she recognizes and episode setting in and this has been a genuine help for me. So with out further adou, I will walk you through the meditation for you to memorize and use or walk your loved one through.

We are going to count down from 3 to 1 and as you exhale,  see the number 3 three times and mentally say the number 3 three times in your mind.

take another deep  breath and as you exhale say the word 2 three times mentally and see the number 2 three times.

take another deep breath and as you exhale say the word 1 three times mentally and see the number 1 three times.

you are now at level one, you can use this level for any developmental work you wish. we are going to deepen this mind frame by counting back from 25- 1 as you breathe deeply and fully.

( count from 25 to 1)

Before you, you see an environmental bubble. It is filled with all that you need to travel comfortably into the outer dark of space. Step into this bubble and seal the hatch behind you. The bubble carries you up into the air, past the atmosphere and into the great outer dark where you are surrounded with stars, nebulae, and planets. Observe these bodies as you travel further still a place where only the black lives. Here is where your work will take place.

( 30 second pause)

On your shoulder you notice a miniaturized version of yourself in Jedi garb carrying a lightsaber. Your Jedi-self cuts into the back of your head and crawls in to take a look at your brain. Inside your brain there are neural connections each carrying messages from your brain to your body. While you are watching these connections, you begin to notice that there are two colors being shown as the energy of your thoughts and body functions are crossing your brain. One color indicates healthy connections that promote a healthy mind and body. The second color is clearly unhealthy and reacts in negative manners within your mind and body. These unhealthy connections are associated with PTSD. 

(30 second pause)

Ignite your lightsaber and begin to cut out the unhealthy PTSD connections. Pull them out of your brain and push them out the airlock into the deep of space to be transformed by the universe for something constructive and positive. As you pull each unhealthy connection out of your mind, see them float away from you where they can no longer harm you or anyone else. Look within the folds of you mind. Find all the connections you can see and remove them one at a time. When you are done, your Jedi-self steps out of your mind, seals the incision that you used to access your mind and reintegrates back into you as a part of your healing body. Allow yourself to enjoy the trip back into the Earth's atmosphere by watching the stars and planets pass. When you are back upon the earth and back into yourself, take a few deep breathes and observe the clearness of your mind.




( pause 30 seconds)

Count from 1 to 5 with each breath. You will open your eyes, feel refreshed and ready to move forward with your day. You will feel better and better.

( count slowly from 1-5)

This meditation should be practiced every few day to make sure the connections remain fewer and fewer with each session. I have noticed improvements with my PTSD symptoms from the first meditation session. I continue to use this as a means to keep the attack few and far between in conjunction with my counseling and acupuncture. I hope this helps you and your loved ones as much as it has been helping me.



Sunday, September 22, 2013

Just got stranger. . . new cup!

Mabon came in with a bolt of lightening and turned things on their head. Including me. Everything is still facing North but it is all upside down, if that makes any sense at all. I must be feeling the season settle in or some strangeness indigenous to Odd, but I feel a calm even as I know there is a storm coming and it may not be pretty. That is the most Odd thing of all. I am usually spun up emotionally and tempest tossed by the current. Am I sitting on my surf board well finally? I don't know. I just know that now, more than ever I feel compelled to watch carefully everything. I can feel my inner self smell the shifting winds and even though there is a calm hand upon me, I feel a dreadful purpose and it draws closer to us all. I am not left with out hope. Quite the opposite, it feels like grim focus on what it is I need to do to make things right with me and mine.

Three words have been spinning around in my head:

Love
Honor
Order

It rolls through my head like my reiki mantra does while I am working. I feel like I have been struck by lightening as I am going through my daily rituals. Each one has had an added dimension to them with subtle shifts that have shifted some of the meanings of things I grew up with in my pagan witchy career. I still trying to absorb everything in an organic gentle way. I know better to push something like this. Butterflies must open by themselves lest harm comes to them and prevents them from flying.

I have been quietly witnessing the shifts I have seen happen in the online pagan community. Once respected voices have fallen away in either frustration or disgust. There is behind the scenes gossip girl  behavior that makes my bottle of gossip girl gag want to find bottom. Name calling, finger pointing, personal attacks. . . blah blah galah. AAAAAAHHHKK!


NEW EFFING CUP!

I am sorry those voices have felt compelled to leave the general online pagan community. Those voices will be missed, but I understand the need to step back and gather oneself. I wish them fair travel winds and sweet water enjoy your journey and come home when you are ready. I will be waiting patiently for you at any rate.


I don't know how close to the surface I am going to be this year as the Samhain Gods come to call me to my work. I feel some thing very deep below calling my name and I am compelled to respond. I will try to be in touch with the world via twitter, but you all know how my blogging becomes at this time of year.

One more thing to remember:

She who stirs the cauldron is not the slave.

Names have been called. The Land of Odd just got stranger if that is at all possible.

Monday, July 23, 2012

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party has been interrupted by enclosure. . . again

I have been intentionally silent.

I have been patiently waiting out Mercury's wild backward dance with other hand and mind occupying projects and pre-school starting activities. Some of which were struck with Mercury backwardness that I had to mop up.

With recent events, I feel like I am being pushed to surface and speak.

But what do you say? What do I say? There are no words that I can imagine that would begin to begin the healing that is so necessary right now. There are no words that can restore to us the innocence and comfort felt in the house of movies and story tellers. Yes the floor is sticky and the chairs smell like stale popcorn and feet, but the enchantment of light dancing through a darkened room and reflecting on a silver screen has always been a place of solace and re-evaluation for me. The looks on the faces of my family had to reflect the same horror on mine when the news broke. We are a movie family. We love them, we love the whole process of the making of movies ( I like watching them best though). We love the people involved in front of and behind the camera. ( we also love craft services) This event shook us where we live. Will it stop us from going to a theater? Hexes NO! However, there will be a new tone of vigilance for me while we are there.

I wish I could say that these type of events surprise me, but those of you who know me are waiting for me to just say it already. These are just symptoms of a much larger problem; enclosure  I will spare the gory details here because I know you cannot force an unwilling mind to open and see, so click on the link if you want, but know it's not a happy discussion. It's one of those necessary unhappy conversations about what happens when a space becomes overburdened and its effects on the landscape and inhabitants.

There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel that has nothing to do with on coming trains, traffic, or near death experiences. We are a co operative society. We help each other. This alone is one of the most important tools we have and through it, doing all the right things can not only make this place better, but expand our reaches into the known Universe to discover new things and bring forth new understandings.

As long as we continue to be the co operative society ( yes, even me, the one who runs on the fringes of society, has a productive use in society) there is hope. We can't predict the who's, when's, and where's of the next prober rat attack, but we can buy time for our children and throw out a life line to those in need and willing to grab the rope.

You should know that you are loved.

Every time something like this happens, there is the question: what the Hell Is going on????

What's going on is complicated and does not have a single silver bullet solution. There are probably many very good solutions that work well together, but I have found that having a basic understanding of what the real problem is, gives me new perspective for personal solutions.  I have also found that understanding the base cause of the craziness help me keep my sanity in one piece.

I hope I am preaching to the choir right about now, but if I am not, feel free to respectfully express that.

It is to my deepest disappointment and personal horror that the Aurora community has been violated as they were. The effects of this event ripple deep and reach far. As of right now, I have no idea how I would handle a situation as Aurora has had to endure. I suppose it would be wise to ask for guidance.

My eloquence seems to have abandoned me.

Aurora, I hope that you heal and find comfort as you find a new balance to move forward from this.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Notes from the land of Odd

I have had my week break and now it's time to get back on the surf board and ride the incoming wave. And speaking of water, I have transitioned from the elemental guardian of Fire into Water realms, and you know that point in time while cooking rice you add water to a hot pan??? Well yeah. . . the transition from fire to water is sort of ( okay just like) that! The quench releases so much energy that it stirs up all the stuff and it all boils to the surface for you to handle ( before it handles you.) I was assured by the Gods ( okay a specific one in my pantheon) that this is just business as usual; nothing personal unless you want to throw a hissy fit about it. At which point, I just tried my hardest to not roll my eyeballs.

Speaking of rolling eyeballs. . .

. . . this whole silly season propaganda on parade has got me all sorts of rolly eyed. I hate rolling my eyeballs. I mean really??? You want to start trolling candidates from prepubescence now???? Way to discourage good people from running for office and trying to do something about all the "broken toys in the house." I feel like I joined some perverted version of the Mad Hatter's tea party. Can I just go back to my regular happy version of enjoying my insanity please? ( new tea cup please!) Besides, if I don't stop this reflexive eye roll soon, my eyeballs just may fall out of my head. Where's that sand bar? I need to go bury my head!

In other News. . .

Mr. Patchouli has had a bit of a rough ride this winter. You know, it's too cold outside and inside it's too dry! What's a plant to do over here in this crazy desert it's been potted in???? However Mr. Patchouli is tough little dude who seems to be enjoying the odds being beaten! I keep hearing Hugo Weaving's voice from the Matrix when I think about Mr. Patchouli. Don't have a reason or clue why yet, but I thought it was rather funny. You know the line: " Mr. Anderson. . . that is your name?" I am hoping that in the next season he sets into his pot well and goes bazongas!

Crazy news. . .

So I have been having crazy dreams where the Gods and other Feri people sort of drop in for a visit while my Oath Mother's voice pipes in Obiwan- like about the situation and the Gods start having open dialogue about  my life in minutia. . . 0.o Most of the conversation is sane enough. . . okay about as sane as Feri gets. . . but some of the events/ conversations makes the Mad Hatter seem rather well adjusted. I guess that means I am officially Feri Mad.

So speaking of Madnesses. . .

Anyone with children make sure you tell your little ones that if someone shoots you, don't go back when they are called. Thank you Crazy woman in Florida for putting that on my docket of weird madnesses to remind my kids of: " now children, if I go off my rocker and shoot you, don't come back when I call you back home. I will kill you."  

????

Ok you know what? I think I'll just stick to my Mad Hatter Tea Party. At least there, the only thing in danger is the tea cup.

New cup!