Jedis, lightsabers and PTSD

My experience with PTSD is not unique, nor is the methodology in which I have chosen to handle this beastie. And trust me, it is a beastie, anyone who deals with it or has to watch a loved one wrangle with an episode knows this for certain. My mother has helped me a great deal by customizing a meditative technique using the Silva Method platform for this issue I face and she has encouraged me to share it here with you and your loved ones. This is a method that need maintenance. It is not a one time deal and certainly not an emergency handler, although during an episode, coupled with reiki from a partner, it helps significantly and will help bring you out of the episode within a few hours instead of a 24 hour- a week long dragged out hell. My mother reminds me to go 'clean out my brain' when she recognizes and episode setting in and this has been a genuine help for me. So with out further adou, I will walk you through the meditation for you to memorize and use or walk your loved one through.

We are going to count down from 3 to 1 and as you exhale,  see the number 3 three times and mentally say the number 3 three times in your mind.

take another deep  breath and as you exhale say the word 2 three times mentally and see the number 2 three times.

take another deep breath and as you exhale say the word 1 three times mentally and see the number 1 three times.

you are now at level one, you can use this level for any developmental work you wish. we are going to deepen this mind frame by counting back from 25- 1 as you breathe deeply and fully.

( count from 25 to 1)

Before you, you see an environmental bubble. It is filled with all that you need to travel comfortably into the outer dark of space. Step into this bubble and seal the hatch behind you. The bubble carries you up into the air, past the atmosphere and into the great outer dark where you are surrounded with stars, nebulae, and planets. Observe these bodies as you travel further still a place where only the black lives. Here is where your work will take place.

( 30 second pause)

On your shoulder you notice a miniaturized version of yourself in Jedi garb carrying a lightsaber. Your Jedi-self cuts into the back of your head and crawls in to take a look at your brain. Inside your brain there are neural connections each carrying messages from your brain to your body. While you are watching these connections, you begin to notice that there are two colors being shown as the energy of your thoughts and body functions are crossing your brain. One color indicates healthy connections that promote a healthy mind and body. The second color is clearly unhealthy and reacts in negative manners within your mind and body. These unhealthy connections are associated with PTSD. 

(30 second pause)

Ignite your lightsaber and begin to cut out the unhealthy PTSD connections. Pull them out of your brain and push them out the airlock into the deep of space to be transformed by the universe for something constructive and positive. As you pull each unhealthy connection out of your mind, see them float away from you where they can no longer harm you or anyone else. Look within the folds of you mind. Find all the connections you can see and remove them one at a time. When you are done, your Jedi-self steps out of your mind, seals the incision that you used to access your mind and reintegrates back into you as a part of your healing body. Allow yourself to enjoy the trip back into the Earth's atmosphere by watching the stars and planets pass. When you are back upon the earth and back into yourself, take a few deep breathes and observe the clearness of your mind.

( pause 30 seconds)

Count from 1 to 5 with each breath. You will open your eyes, feel refreshed and ready to move forward with your day. You will feel better and better.

( count slowly from 1-5)

This meditation should be practiced every few day to make sure the connections remain fewer and fewer with each session. I have noticed improvements with my PTSD symptoms from the first meditation session. I continue to use this as a means to keep the attack few and far between in conjunction with my counseling and acupuncture. I hope this helps you and your loved ones as much as it has been helping me.

Post apocalyptic romance???

I was in the bookstore the other day trolling around poking in all the corners including the teen section to get some ideas and feed back from my kids about what kind of stories they want to be reading over the impending summer vacation. I began to notice something that was pinpointed to me a few days earlier when my daughter brought home her book order form.

The younger generation seems to be preoccupied with a post apocalyptic mind set. They seem to feel that everything is falling apart in a manner that is irreparable and certain to lead to only decay and rot for the future. So much so do they resonate with this thought form that it is actually a marketing tool for budding and veteran authors. My daughter's book order form actually had a section called post apocalyptic romance! My eldest, who has no idea what he wants to do with himself after school, has a definite Zombie Apocalypse survival plan that makes FEMA look like a jr. bake sale organizer.

My Father and I were having a conversation that discussed similar things. The point sort of circled around and whacked me on the head like a rude face palm moment. He was explaining to me that a lot of what we are witnessing with these sort of attitude with our younger generation is that they feel that our generation and the one before us has lost the moral authority to lead. Therefore, they must make their way through the ruins we have left them and make their own rules to survive the future we have cultivated for them. I can't say that I think that he is wrong.

Just in the last decade we have proven this to them. All we have to do is point out two events: Katrina and BP oil disaster. I am sure that we can list many more as we roll back through a decade or so. Those events alone are enough to get both my elder children all sorts of foaming at the mouth mad. While the entire generation is not to blame for the whole bad apple case, but like they say it only takes one bad apple to make the whole barrel rotten.

On the upside of all of this doom and gloom that our children seem to be slathering all over their brain cells (yes there is actually an upside) They see hope that balance can be restored. Why else would they be interested in post apocalyptic romance stories??? The other part of that upswing is that they are making plans on how to survive disasters regardless if it's a Zombie Apocalypse or a devastating natural event. They are planning to become leaders and healers. I find that comforting even if it is born out of a preoccupation with impending doom. Another upside is that our kids are reading, even if it is found in the post apocalyptic romance section. I think the Harry Potter stories have given them the spine and where with all to tackle these things boldly with a positive mindset  and believe that they can emerge victorious.

Opening doors

 I know that I have missed out on all the hub bub with Pantheacon ( again.) I have deliberately tucked and rolled then slid into my own private thinking space for work of my own. I have one suggestion for those like Z who wish to hold a birth woman only ritual. Hold three rituals: birth women only, transgender only, mixed. End of story. Everyone gets what they want. There would be no one feeling left out, they would all have something that is their own.

Time has skipped by me this last 9 months without so much as the courtesy of a squeak as it did so. Moving into a new place has literally uprooted my patterns and shook my little sandbox around burying some things, exposing others. It's not like moving from one apartment to another where things sort of resume where they left off. There are new chores to dole out and do, there are future repairs that must be planned before a thing completely becomes an emergency, improvements to dream about, and a community to get to know. It was nice to slow down this week without being sick.

In the strangeness of my own private portal to faery, I delved into my own self and dug up some answers I was expecting to hear and some that took me completely off guard. I knew there were things I needed to pick back up since my thumb was injured. Being healed now, I am ready to pick those things up again: yoga and mudras. It is easy now to see how much of an effect mudras and yoga has had upon me. Settling into my mudra reminded me how much I missed it. There were things that I was able to note, the flow of energy as the mudra took effect was interesting. It was like someone had poured peppermint oil on all of my nerves following the path through my body as it was being activated. Each moment the mudra was held was like the electricity in my body was being elevated, like a dimmer switch being turned.

My dreamscape has been very active. Most of the characters there were familiar faces and beings I have worked with for quite some time. There was a new surprise. I found myself in front of a mirror with the Ice Maiden. She was giving me mirror scrying tips. Upon waking, I made a mad dash for my journal to write them down before they receded back into my dreaming mind. This experience lead to questions about the nature of mummification and its effects upon the energetic body. I don't remember being contacted by the Ice Maiden quite like this before. She has shown up in places like a daemon would in my past, but never has she actually shown up in my dreamscape and spoken the way she has. Did the fact that she was so well preserved have something to do with her reawakening upon being unearthed? Is there something about being preserved that allows your soul to hold a space in time, possibly to skip through generations to pass secrets of the ancient practices necessary to that Shaman Thread I spoke of earlier? Were the ancients oblivious to this or was this something they understood? While things in my life seem to make more sense there are new questions, some of them I may not have answers to until it is my turn to pass through the forbidden mysteries.

While the ritual I conducted on my own behalf has shown to be effective, they ( my guides) have added aspects to it: part two and part three are coming around soon. I can now see why my friends and guides were giving me vexing half answers before. I am understanding the necessity of certain events that were unpleasant for me. Sometimes while you are content to stay where you are, you are needed to perform a different task. That will require you to shift and give up certain things that interfere with the new things coming your way. You have to wait for the door to open before you can enter the threshold. And some doors are best not forced open.


I am feeling calm and peaceful today. It is a sensation I have not had in quite sometime and I have missed it. I have a feeling that mirror magics and lessons are in cue for me. Curiouser and curiouser.

A multi layered adjustment

It has been made very clear to me that things are not in balance with me in my life right now. I have spent the last few months with some sort of cootie or another and even as I type this, walking pneumonia seems to be the term docs are using for it. Oh yea! So, as the moon wanes I am working on digging into myself to help figure out and uncover the how's what's and why's of things and come up with something to restore that balance.

I think that all of this began with the move from the apartment to the house. I have been a non stop run, run, run and some of the things that I used to have time for have either gotten slashed in availability or has fallen off the radar completely. (BAD) I need to adjust things to a better balance and I think I need some other worldly help in tweeking it just right.

 I have dragged out my BOS and dug up some information that I gleaned from my tarot magic. I will be using Oleum of Isolde and my Thoth deck for this as I find that Hecate prefers it's sharpness and dark tones. I pulled out the Adjustment card, because that is precisely what I need to do. This card will become the center of my working.

Here are some things that I have found to work best as accents to using this card. I pass this on to you to use at your discretion as at one point in time or another we all find our selves a bit off kilter. I won't pass the specifics of my personal  ritual simply because it has significance to me because I wrote it. I suggest that you sit down with your self and discover your own idea of how your working should look. It will not only get the magic flowing, it will be most powerful for you.

Justice/ Adjustment: Balance
Incense: sage, copal, cedar
Oils: rosemary, clove, frankincense, rosewood, Oleum of Isolde
Stones: emerald, quartz, turquoise, black tourmaline, hematite
Candle colors: grey, white, sea green, blue


I include ritual in my personal healing for several reasons. I know healing to be something that is more than seeing a doc and taking medicine. True healing is something that happens between body and soul and it cannot be a complete process if you neglect to address all aspects of the illness including the aspects that is more often ignored: the energetic resonances of it. So it's time for this faery shaman to sit down with herself and work on herself even if it means that some things have got to be changed out and readjusted. I have sneaking hunches. It's time to verify them or find out what the real deal is.