I have put all my altars back up. The tear down was actually good for me. The whole exploding mess that was my pre Yule anxiety attack turned out to be a boon for everyone involved. I think I ran out of nice juice that week. I'm not encouraging spontaneous emotion combustion by any means. It did point out that there were issues that HAD to be resolved; ignoring them and playing nice was no longer an option. It forced both of us to look at what kind of relationship we wanted and put our noses to the grindstone with the work of fixing this.
I took things to the cauldron as usual and dug up my earthing bath recipe. I looked at it an immediately realized that I had to alter it. I exchanged out the wormwood and linden flowers for mugwort and elderflowers. I exchanged those for several reasons including that I did not have enough wormwood harvested and dried; I really didn't want to make another trip to the herb shop. I was not going to wait any longer to take back what is mine. I also changed it to include a more feminine energy than wormwood and linden provide for.
Some of my best work happens in the bathtub and this was no exception. I think it is so because I am completely disarmed and open. It may also be so because I pull out all the stops when it comes to ritual bathing, candles, music, incense sometimes a tea or wine depending on what is going on. This time was a bit different than usual. I could feel the presence of my water spirit guide, but he seemed to be more in the background. Nothing happened while I was soaking in the tub, no glimmerings of what is to be, no insight nothing, just the flood of coming back to myself. Nothing happened until I got out of the tub to dry off just when I was about to be very disappointed that the ritual was not taking hold. Out of the corner of my eye in the dim flickering light I saw her. She stood there in the mirror pointing her spear accusingly at me as if to say YOU ALLOWED THIS. She's right of course. It's a mistake we all make at various points in our lives. For the sake of playing nice you close your lips and say nothing to disturb the peace of others. I have done that far too often with family. As quickly as she appeared, she vanished. Her message simple: your power is yours no one has the right to ask you for it or steal it and should you find it being sapped you sure as HEXES HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE IT BACK. Give no quarter to whining parasites with delusions of grandeur.
I have a feeling that spear maiden in the mirror is off somewhere sharpening her weapons. I promised vigilance and regular maintenance. I fed the last of my vodka to my plants ( they are drunks you know.) I decided that an earthing bath tincture to place in the tub regularly is a good place to start. It will be a moon before it's ready, but as usual, the results are worth the wait. Part of me wants to rename the recipe to 'The Iron Maiden.' Still thinking. . . it may be too melodramatic diva-ish